2 feet hang over the side of a porch swing, one tiny, one big, both with metallic purple toe nail polish
2 giggles break through the muggy hotness of summer,one loud and deep, the other soft and high
1 banana popsicle is taken out of the wrapper
1 smile breaks out
2 pleading eyes look at the 2 brown hands holding the cold treat
1 mouth opens, "Y'know I don;t share my banana popsicles with just anybody, and this is the last one."
1 lip pokes out pleading; a cold trickle of juice runs down the popsicle
1 mouth opens, "Oh please? Just this once?"
1 brain begins to think
2 hands break the 1 popsicle into 2
1 hand greedily accepts it's half
2 sisters happily lick away on thier sweet banana popsicle watching 1 sun set
1 little sister leans on her big sister
1 big sister embraces her in a hug
2 sticky sticks are discarded
1 bond is made stronger
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4 comments:
Brianna, I think the format of this poem is tres creative by making it seem like a recipie. Very cute.
You (all of you, really) sould make your own blog like I did so we can have accounts to comment on each other's stuff here as well as to have our own blogs to write on.
Check mine out at www.alexcouture.blogspot.com
-Alex
Brianna,
What a catchy title! I like this very much. Thank you for posting it.
I really like the way the relationship between the two sisters emerges through the telling of this simple moment, the sharing of this one popsicle.
I admire the way you've been able to establish the summer's heat, and I especially enjoy what you're doing with form.
Comments/Suggestions/Questions for Your Classmates:
1) How do you classify this? A poem? A list poem?
2) That first line tripped me up a little because I thought the "2 feet" belonged to one person--one person with a big foot and a small foot. Technically, here, I think this should be "4 feet hang over the side of a porch swing, two tiny, two big, all with metallic purple toenail polish."
3) I like the "1 mouth opens..." and how this phrase is repeated but refers to the other sister.
4) I would cut the last line. I think it might be forcing an interpretation upon readers.
It's always up to you, though. What does everyone else think?
Thanks for sharing this one,
Molly
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